Looking Back

My dad, Billy Allen Lyles of Newton, Mississippi, and I had a lot in common. We loved information. We loved woodworking. We were, as they say, cut from the same cloth. I used to love having conversations with him about things we had read or heard that were new or different. Computers... Space... etc., etc… Anything and everything interested us. He was one of those people (like me, I suppose) that really loved to learn. Our conversations were wonderful. But I lost my dad back in March of 2004 and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. He was 68 and I was 37 - too young on both counts. And although he lived long enough to see me graduate college, he died before realizing his goal of finishing his PhD. How I would have loved to call him Dr. Lyles. Oh, well. His birthday is coming up next week, and I’ve been missing him a lot lately…

One of my dad’s interests, which I didn’t particularly share, was geneology. He would tell me about pieces of information he had found and connections he had made in his searches from family member to family member. I humored him, but never really caught the fever. I felt about genealogy, at the time, like I felt about history in general… I liked the stories, but the plain facts bored me.

A love affair with history did develop within me, though, albeit slowly. When I was in college (getting a degree in Radio, Television and Film) I began to take an interest in British History. Virtually all of my electives ended up revolving in and around British History, and I even considered declaring a minor in history at one point. The Battle of Hastings (depicted in the Bayeux Tapestry - see picture above) piqued my interest for some reason, as did the entire reign of Henry VIII and his descendents. You can see images of the Bayeux Tapestry in the opening credits of the Kevin Costner version of “Robin Hood”, if you are interested. (You know, the one where Robin Hood doesn’t have a British accent…???)

A few years ago, I ended up working in the Department of History at the University of North Texas (I know, I know… What does that have to do with Radio, Television and Film?). As you can imagine, my interest in history continued to grow, being surrounded by historians and aspiring historians. Then, a couple of weeks ago, my son, Quinn, mentioned a website where you could download your family crest. I was interested and ended up ordering crests for both Lyles and Gerlach (maiden name and married name). The crests came, and included, as it turned out, a historical survey of each surname. (Nice!) Lo and behold, the “Lyles” documentation traced a path that began in Norfolk, England (yay!) when William the Conqueror awarded the Lyles family with lands in Norfolk as a thank you for their assistance in the Battle of Hastings. (Super-score!) I was hooked! So I decided to see if I could trace a line between then and now... And I refuse to think about the poor souls William evicted in order to establish my family's holdings. (Denial is a lovely thing.)

So, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a perspective thing that changes with age. When I was younger I had so many years ahead of me that all I wanted to do was focus on the future and run full speed ahead. As the years have gone by, with joint aches setting in and family members slipping away, I have begun the inevitable 180 degree turn and started looking back more and more. Back to when my dad was alive. Back to when my kids were small. Back to when I had a waistline. ;-)

So now I’m spending my spare time tracing my family tree. I started with the Lyles branch (for obvious reasons) and managed to get back as far as my third great grandfather in just one week. Then I hit a road block. It seemed there were no more references to “James Madison Lyles of Fairfield County, South Carolina”, so I continued to Google, searching the forum boards. As fate would have it, last week I stumbled across a post back in 1999 by someone looking for the same gent. My heartbeat rose and I quickly formulated plans to email this person. Certainly they had found information over the past 11 or so years and would have some answers for me. I looked to the top of the post to see if I could figure out how to contact them, and my heart skipped a beat as I registered the name: B. A. Lyles. It was my dad’s post. Still out there waiting for me to find it. It had taken me a while, but find it I did.

Yes, I cried. Yes, I grieved his loss for the umpteenth time. But all in all, finding that post was priceless. My dad and I sharing a common interest again. This week I am particularly thankful for having had a father who I was able to share so many things with. I love and miss you, Dad. And I’m going to keep searching…

Entitlement

Perhaps I'm becoming jaded, but it exhausts me to see how my generation has, as parents, raised children who fancy themselves entitled to everything their hearts desire.

Our grandparents had to save all of their young lives in the hopes of owning their own home some day. Then came the "living on credit" era, and that all went out the window. I see around me a generation of children who have their own cell phone by the time they can walk and spend 50% of their time telling their parents what to do. By the time they are 16 they have the cellphone in one hand, a Starbucks coffee in the other and keys to a newly financed car in their pockets. Is there any wonder they aren't willing to wait for anything else? (Sex, for example...) We have taught them to understand that as soon as they are physically able to have a privilege, then the privilege is theirs. They are the entitled generation. And their parents (some of them good-hearted people) are completely blind to what they have done. The minute the children commit (if you can call it that) to an exclusive relationship, they run out and purchase a home (and the parents co-sign). They don't marry, because that isn't necessary anymore. They can't keep a job because their work ethic stinks to high heaven, but *both* of their parents have to work to be able to bail them out when they can't make their bills. When that resource is exhausted, they default on their home, but no worries... they can still get credit. There will always be some lender offering them the "credit they deserve" at some exorbitant rate. In the meantime, they have a kid or two and, because it cramps their style to have to stay home and parent, they just expect the grandparents to step in... which they do. And they end up raising the grandchildren to be even more screwed up than the kids... but I'll save that rant for another day.

For the record, none of my children turned out this way. They aren't perfect, but they do have a healthy understanding that anything worth having is worth working for, and the only thing in this life that is truly free is salvation (by the grace of God). I don't say this to pat myself on the back, but to let them know that I am very proud of them and realize how blessed I am to call them my own.

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